Kelly's World | World Cup deh yah (almost): Part One
Ladies and gentlemen, the greatest show on planet Earth is soon to begin.
Anybody who says the Olympics want a big lick with an equally big piece of lumber.
The (football) World Cup starts on June 14 and yours truly can't wait.
Now before I go any further, I have decided to do two World Cup-themed columns before the big showpiece starts, and this is the first.
In this one I have to lay down the rules and regulations that people, especially women, need to observe during the World Cup.
But before that a brief history of my World Cup history.
According to my mother, I watched my first World Cup in 1986, but being merely five years old, mi nuh memba.
There are parts of Italia '90 that missed me as well. Let's face it, I was nine. I had other things on my mind.
Every World Cup since then though has had my full attention, even the one in Japan and South Korea which was tough to follow because of the time difference.
There are some things that I always notice about Jamaica when the World Cup comes around.
There is the usual vibrancy that accompanies a global event. There are numerous sales and specials as everyone tries to capitalise on the whole show.
But the thing that always amazes me is that all of a sudden everyone is a football expert.
I don't mean that the offices and work spaces become World Cup viewing spots. That's expected.
I also don't mean that the previous day's matches are discussed at the water cooler or in the bars. Again, that's normal.
What I mean is that even people who you didn't know had even an ounce of football nous start breaking down the game in the most minute detail.
The goofy looking guy who wears thick glasses or the woman who by her own words has two left feet, become football tacticians who would make World Cup winning coaches of days gone by look like Mr Bean.
Anyway, now for the rules.
Just like the average woman doesn't like being interrupted during something soppy like the recent royal wedding, the average man doesn't want to be disturbed during the matches.
When it comes to crying, women are not allowed to laugh at the men.
Man tek football serious. So if yuh hear cow bawling because a team loses, go in the adjoining room to snicker.
Also please plan all 'alone time' around World Cup matches. If you really want us focused on only unnu, mek sure no ball game nah play.
In fact, anything that doesn't constitute the 'normal' routine has to be planned around the month-long showpiece.
Emergencies are a different matter, like if dad falls and breaks his leg. But knowing some of the fathers I do, they would ask how the score went before they have to go for surgery.
Finally bosses, cut your workers some slack. Please!
Ok so that's World Cup column part one. Join me for part two next week where I try (in vain I'm sure) to predict how this year's competition will go.
Link me at firstname.lastname@example.org